Showing posts with label Answering Reader Questions About Infidelity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Answering Reader Questions About Infidelity. Show all posts

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Reassuring Your Girlfriend & Excuses To Get Away For The Night

Routinely I answer questions from readers that email me, and occasionally I receive some that I think are worthwhile sharing with everyone. So in that light here is couple of questions from one of my dedicated readers that I thought could benefit the rest of you cheaters out there.

"I have 2 questions, if your #1 girl suspects you of cheating, how do you reassure her that you aren't? "

"What are good lies to tell your #1 girl about were you will be on a given night?"

Thanks for the support. I appreciate you reading my blog, glad it provides some pastime for you.
To answer your questions...

1. If your girl suspects you of cheating then you've done something to give her that idea. Left clues, changed your behavior, changed you usual schedule or activities, in short you fucked up somewhere. Figuring it out (if you don't already know) might be worthwhile, but it might also be difficult since sometimes women just get a feeling. So what I say is to curtail your cheating for a few weeks, tell the mistress that you'll be busy for a while. Take this time away from your other women to make things the way they were with your girl before you started cheating, to reassure her that she is over reacting. Once she has calmed down you can get back to your mistress, but more carefully this time.

2. Some good excuses to use with your main girl where you will be on a given night specific to your life. But you should keep the following in mind; use excuses that she can't readily verify on her own. So if you say you're doing something with your family that should work. If you have a work environment where you can say you have a work function such as a offsite meeting or department party for your boss that should be ok. You can use the work late excuse once in a great while but not too often and make sure she can’t come to the office if you work corporate. If you have one trusted friend that won’t blab tell her you're hangin out with him and make sure he knows the lie so he can back you up later. If you play sports like basketball then you can tell her you found a new park/gym to play pick up games at night and that they have alighted court. You look like you work out a lot so tell her you read an article in a weight lifting magazine where they said that working out later in the evening leads to higher muscle definition and better results and you're going to try that program out for a week or two.

The key is make sure she can't check up on what you're supposed to be doing.

A.C.


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Thursday, December 20, 2007

Reassuring Your Suspicious Girlfriend

In my last couple of blogs I answered a few of frequently asked questions from my readers, which prompted more questions.

One particular reader asked a couple of questions that I’m sure the majority of cheaters have experienced in their exploits, so I decided to share my answers to him with all the devoted readers of this blog.

If your girlfriend suspects you of cheating, how do you reassure her that you aren't?

If your girl suspects you of cheating then you've done something to give her that idea. Left clues, changed your behavior, changed you usual schedule or activities, in short you slipped up somewhere.

Figuring it out (if you don't already know) might be worthwhile, so you don’t commit the same mistake in the future. But this might prove be difficult undertaking for sometimes women just get a feeling, you know women’s intuition. But usually that intuition is sparked by something that is not right about you, or about your relationship, hence a small change in your demeanor that should go unnoticed might be the catalyst for her intuition.

If you can’t figure out what tipped her off, don’t waste too much time on it and spend your efforts on reassuring her nothing is wrong.

Start by curtailing your cheating for a few weeks, tell the mistress that you'll be busy for a while, you’ve picked up side job, or that you have some family issues to work out and you’ll be unavailable for the next couple of weeks.

Take this time away from your other women to rekindle the relationship with your girl before you started cheating, to reassure her that she is over reacting. Once your woman has calmed down and the turbulence has passed you can get back to your mistress, but more carefully this time.

What are good lies to tell your girlfriend about were you will be on a given night?

Always use excuses that she can't readily verify on her own. Here are few tried and true excuses you can start with and then tailor them to your own specific life.

Family:
Use your family. This is the most abundant resource you have available to you. When you need an excuse to get away from your girlfriend to spend time with your #2 or #3 women, do not hesitate to depend on your family, after all that's what they are there for. For multiple reasons this is you best excuse. One, your significant other cannot try to convince you to get out of it, or change your plans since this is your family and they take precedence. Second, since you put such a high importance on your "family activities" it makes you seem family oriented, which makes you look more attractive to women, since you are now seen as family oriented. Your girlfriend can’t question the amount of time you spend with your family so if particular “family function” happens to drag on longer than expected, she won’t break your balls with an interrogation.

Friends:
You need to have a couple of friends that you can use as an excuse. Make sure that these two specially selected friends can keep quiet about what you’re doing, especially to their own significant others. Also, always inform these friends if you’re going to use them as an excuse BEFORE you do, so you can get your stories straight upfront eliminating the scramble later on when your girlfriend is asking questions.

Work:
Using your place of employment might seem like a great excuse to create some time to cheat; telling your girlfriend your working late, that you will be in an extended meeting, and the most daring one of all; that you’ll be away on a business trip. But there is an inherent problem with these types of alibis, unless you work at a small company consisting of your friends, you will have no one who will lie for you. Sure you can get a buddy to cover for you in the office in case your girlfriend calls in to check on you, but what if the receptionist answers the call, or the call gets forwarded to your boss? Will they lie for you? Then you have to tell them why you are avoiding your own girlfriend, an uncomfortable scenario at the very least. What if your girlfriend is suspicious to the point where she shows up, or poses as your sister or mother on the phone to verify your whereabouts? There are just too many intangibles to use your job as safe alibi. If this is the best you can come up with, then at least use it sparingly.

Random:
Random, disposable excuses that you only use once work very well. They leave no discernable pattern, which means no matching variables for your girlfriend to dissect. If it’s a one time only excuse there is nothing to compare it to, meaning no anomalies to exploit. But you have to use these sparingly and during different time frames (i.e. don’t use different random excuses for the same time, on the same day of the week) otherwise that inherently negates the “randomness” of the excuse since certain facts remain similar. Stick to different excuses, on different days, during different windows of time (when you’re with your other women) and you’ll trigger far fewer women’s intuition alarm bells.

The key is to ensure she can't check up on what you're supposed to be doing.

Happy Holidays
A.C.

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Friday, December 7, 2007

Why Stay With Your Girlfriend & Cheat on Her, Rather Than Break Up and Date Other Women Freely?

Continuing with the theme from last week, I going to answer another one of frequently asked questions/offered suggestions from readers.

Don’t cheat on your girlfriend, just do the honorable thing and break up with her and be single if you want to date multiple women.

This is easier said than done. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows that it’s not quite that easy to break up with someone, let alone someone that you care about and have feelings for.

At this point I always get the response “How can you say that you care about someone if you’re cheating on him/her?” That’s an entirely different discussion which I have addressed frequently and will again, but not in this blog.

For the sake of this discussion we will assume that if you’re in a relationship with someone you have some sort of feelings for that person and care about them to a certain extent.
So why not break up, and pursue other women without any restrictions?

Like I mentioned before, you might have feelings for your girlfriend and want to stay with her, but at the same time want to be with other women sexually. That’s probably the most common reason for men. We don’t want to break up with our women, we just want to have our cake and eat it too, after all what good is the cake if you can’t eat it?

Perhaps you have a certain tie to your girlfriend that doesn’t allow for a quick, easy breakup.
-You live with your girlfriend.
-You and your girlfriend have children together.
-You have financial ties to her that make a breakup an unviable option.

There are some guys just don’t know how to break up with their women and are scared of the confrontation. So they figure if they get caught dating another woman, their girlfriend might do them a favor and leave them. Not saying I endorse this method, but if this is the only way you can get out of your relationship then maybe it might be worth it for you.

For some people these reasons probably don’t seem all that strong or legitimate enough to deceive their significant other and cheat on them. But for others, it does. Remember it’s easy to judge and make painless decisions when you don’t have any skin in the game. You have to have walked in the other person’s shoes before you can understand the full scope of issues and emotions they are dealing with.

If any of you can have other reasons why you rather stay with your girlfriend and cheat on her, rather than break up and date other women freely, feel free to comment.

Take Care,

A.C.

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Thursday, November 29, 2007

Why Cheat on Your Girlfriend? Instead Establish an Open Relationship with Her and be Honest.

One of the most frequent questions/suggestions I get from readers continues to be some variation of the following;

1. Why cheat on your girlfriend? Instead establish an open relationship with her and be honest.

2. Don’t cheat on your girlfriend, just do the honorable thing and break up with her and be single if you want to date multiple women.

These two ideals are always easily suggested and like most easy solutions to any problem they sound quite reasonable in theory. But applying them to a real life scenario is entirely different. Let’s tackle both of these reader comments/questions individually.

Why cheat on your girlfriend? Instead establish an open relationship with her and be honest.

This solution has multiple problems that need to be addressed before it can be practically implemented as it stands.

First, once you establish an exclusive relationship with a woman having her agree to an open relationship afterwards is increasingly difficult as time goes on, if not impossible altogether. To most women an exclusive relationship is what they strive for, to find that one special guy, and to keep him forever. That’s why women are so infatuated with marriage and finding their one true love. So once they have an exclusive relationship with a man, asking them to revert to an open relationship would be viewed as a step backwards in their eyes. After all she has spent all this time dating her man trying to become his only woman. Now you want her to go back to the dating pool and be equal with all the other women available. I doubt that would fall on receptive ears, why would she agree to be relegated to a lower status after attaining exclusivity?

It’s the inverse of the old marketing philosophy; you can start at a higher price for your product and lower the price, but very rarely can you start at a lower price, raise prices. Once the public has gotten used to a certain price, they won’t be too receptive to a raise in prices. Same is true of a exclusive relationship from a woman’s point of view; once she has been exclusive she wont be too receptive of being cast back with all the other women in the dating pool.

Second, once you propose this to your woman most likely she’ll want to end the relationship with you out of frustration thinking you’re not worth the effort, or guilt you into rethinking your position. If you agree to drop the whole thing then you have already played your hand and she knows you’re thinking about dating other women and she’ll be scrutinizing your actions far more closely adding extra strain on your relationship as well as your ability to date other women on the low.

Third, honestly how many women can this actually work with? I mean come on, 95% of the women won’t go for this scenario. I haven’t come across too many women who thought this was a viable scenario, and I have run it by quite a few of women in committed relationships. The women who suggest this are always unattached when they have no feelings for any guy so it’s an easy fix. But I’d like to get some opinion from these same women once they have a boyfriend for a couple of months and see what they say.

Fourth, if you’re woman does agree to it, are you comfortable enough with her dating other guys? Because you can be sure that after you just downgraded her, and she knows you’re going to be dating other women, that she’ll be going out on dates as well, maybe just to spite you.

In the next blog, I’ll address the second question/suggestion from readers:

Don’t cheat on your girlfriend, just do the honorable thing and break up with her and be single if you want to date multiple women.


Take Care,
A.C.

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