Friday, September 14, 2007

Excuses to Facilitate Your Infidelity

When you’re dating multiple women simultaneously, you often need to find excuses to slip away from your girlfriend to spend time with your other women. This can become a problem if your ability to create excuses is not well developed.

With this in mind I decided to categorize my most rock solid, best excuses that I have battle tested, and feel confident in using. These are not specific excuses, but certain types that you can use as long as you customize them to your particular situation.

Family:
Use your family. This is the most abundant resource you have available to you. When you need an excuse to get away from your girlfriend to spend time with your #2 or #3 women, do not hesitate to depend on your family, after all that's what they are there for. For multiple reasons this is you best excuse. One, your significant other cannot try to convince you to get out of it, or change your plans since this is your family and they take precedence. Second, since you put such a high importance on your "family activities" it makes you seem family oriented, which makes you look more attractive to women, since you are now seen as family oriented. Your girlfriend can’t question the amount of time you spend with your family so if particular “family function” happens to drag on longer than expected, she won’t break your balls with an interrogation.

Friends:
You need to have a couple of friends that you can use as an excuse. Make sure that these two specially selected friends can keep quiet about what you’re doing, especially to their own significant others. Also, always inform these friends if you’re going to use them as an excuse BEFORE you do, so you can get your stories straight upfront eliminating the scramble later on when your girlfriend is asking questions.

Work:
Using your place of employment might seem like a great excuse to create some time to cheat; telling your girlfriend your working late, that you will be in an extended meeting, and the most daring one of all; that you’ll be away on a business trip. But there is an inherent problem with these types of alibis, unless you work at a small company consisting of your friends, you will have no one who will lie for you. Sure you can get a buddy to cover for you in the office in case your girlfriend calls in to check on you, but what if the receptionist answers the call, or the call gets forwarded to your boss? Will they lie for you? Then you have to tell them why you are avoiding your own girlfriend, an uncomfortable scenario at the very least. What if your girlfriend is suspicious to the point where she shows up, or poses as your sister or mother on the phone to verify your whereabouts? There are just too many intangibles to use your job as safe alibi. If this is the best you can come up with, then at least use it sparingly.

Random:
Random, disposable excuses that you only use once work very well. They leave no discernable pattern, which means no matching variables for your girlfriend to dissect. If it’s a one time only excuse there is nothing to compare it to, meaning no anomalies to exploit. But you have to use these sparingly and during different time frames (i.e. don’t use different random excuses for the same time, on the same day of the week) otherwise that inherently negates the “randomness” of the excuse since certain facts remain similar. Stick to different excuses, on different days, during different windows of time (when you’re with your other women) and you’ll trigger far fewer women’s intuition alarm bells.

If you have some good excuses that you’ve used in the past, or revolving ones that you currently use and think it could benefit someone else, then do us all a favor and tell us about in the comments section. After all, every new excuse is an opportunity to cheat on our girlfriends.

Take Care,

A.C.


Digg!
Add to del.icio.us

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great suggestions (as usual), I generally use "leisure" activities as excuses for when I get back home later than usual, for instance a "late work out session at the gym", or when I go out at night and can't make any calls, a concert by some obscure musician which my gf has never hear of and has no interest in...also that way I can say I was on my own (at the gym and at gigs) and there's no way she can check...

Anonymous said...

oh how about....not cheat? a) it makes everything a hell of a lot more complicated when you do b) its incredibly immature and older men who hold onto this notion are simply wanting to be younger and careless c) it can seriously mess some girls up, it's not so fun when someone you pick happens to be unstable and commits suicide...

anyway, some things to consider! great post, have a nice day


Anthony Graham, Isle of Man, UK

Anonymous said...

How about grow some balls and be honest? There is nothing worse than a gutless piece of human pathology.

I agree with what has already been said. You just don't know how another person is going to react if you get caught so be responsible. We lost a close friend because of this childish and selfish behaviour and now the world is worse off for it as she was a nurse.

Grow up! The reality is, if you are cheating on your girlfriend, you are not good enough for her anyway.

Anonymous said...

I think that this "advice" is absolutely ridiculous

Carlos said...

if you cicked to "learn" about how to get excuses, why now complaint? have you ever thought that eventual all comes up to the surface eventually? hoe to cheat on your girlfriend is a time that benefits both because what has lost passion nust be left out, therefore, cheating, is just a stage prior to break up, some people just can handel the truth, and for those how complaint, what if the one cheated on is you? it would hurt but once the pain leaves you will be gland you got yout "true" life back....so let the tactics be....in the end...it all that matters

Preet said...

you are fucking arrogant if u think that cheating is valid. You are probably just insecure, and the girl that you are cheating on is probably far better than u ... so in order to feel good about yourself you have to resort to cheating.. This is absolutely ridiculous. I have been cheated on myself, I have had suicidal thoughts, but luckily I was strong enough to ignore them. But the fact remains that I would never be able to trust any guy again, which means I probably could never be in a stable relationship again. And if u think tht cheating is a step prior to break up anyway ... then why are u so worried about getting caught? Clearly u want to cheat and still have ur gf on the side.

GROW UP!

Anonymous said...

Cheating is not as siple as doing it or not doing it. It can be something wonderfull like loving two girls at the same time because there is no sensation at that time that makes you feel untouchable. Things can be crazy , we live in a fuc*** up world anyhow .. the best word to describe live your life to the fullest. If your smart enough to not to get cought or if you can change the consequences then that gives you the right to enjoy everything in life , no one can tell you what to do.. One thing I have learned in life is : has life ever been fair to you ? why should I be fair ? I can love as much as I want , some guys in arabia has 40 wifes with a harem .. makes me think. I love 2 girls at the same time at the moment , I am going to give all my love to them love them and take care of them because I think I am one of the best of what I am doing at the moment , I havent been caught yet but if I do get caught then comes the truth and then there comes the heart break but I never want to break the heart of my two girls I love 2 of them so much at the moment that its unbelieveable. Please stop criticizing people that cheat , if you do criticize then I hope you someone in your life turns up that you love them so much , you cant say no then you will be in the same boat.

Pam said...

I am a female and have been having an affair for the past 2 years. Oddly enough I see both sides of this topic. I was married once before and divorced because my first husband cheated on me. Now 24years later, I am the guilty party. And there lies the problem. I don’t love my husband, but he has been a good father, a good man. (Here are the excuses) He is a lousy provider (big dreamer), he has gained so much weight, he isn’t very good in bed and not just sex, he snores so loud I often can’t sleep.

I’m afraid of what my kids will say, my family, I often think, "getting divorced again? What a failure I must be!" But most of all I don’t want to hurt my husband, I just don’t want to be with him anymore. To make things worse, right now he is not working and I am the only income. (Nothing new this is how it's been 15 of our 24 years!) If I left him now, he could not pay the bills. At 50 he still has big dreams of making it in the film industries; I’ve lived with this dream my whole married life. And now at 50, I still have nothing saved, I have debt up to my nose. So much for my “GOLDEN YEARS!”

So here is my advice. Make sure the person you marry has these three things before you enter any kind of relationship:
1) An Established job that is bringing in a steady paycheck
2) He/She is your BEST FRIEND, keep talking and kissing each other intimately ALWAYS!
3) Save money, even if it’s a dollar a week. Put it in a bank across town. (Direct Deposit!)

Follow these 3 rules and neither of you will ever cheat on each other!

So what excuse can I use to leave for a few days?