Thursday, November 29, 2007

Why Cheat on Your Girlfriend? Instead Establish an Open Relationship with Her and be Honest.

One of the most frequent questions/suggestions I get from readers continues to be some variation of the following;

1. Why cheat on your girlfriend? Instead establish an open relationship with her and be honest.

2. Don’t cheat on your girlfriend, just do the honorable thing and break up with her and be single if you want to date multiple women.

These two ideals are always easily suggested and like most easy solutions to any problem they sound quite reasonable in theory. But applying them to a real life scenario is entirely different. Let’s tackle both of these reader comments/questions individually.

Why cheat on your girlfriend? Instead establish an open relationship with her and be honest.

This solution has multiple problems that need to be addressed before it can be practically implemented as it stands.

First, once you establish an exclusive relationship with a woman having her agree to an open relationship afterwards is increasingly difficult as time goes on, if not impossible altogether. To most women an exclusive relationship is what they strive for, to find that one special guy, and to keep him forever. That’s why women are so infatuated with marriage and finding their one true love. So once they have an exclusive relationship with a man, asking them to revert to an open relationship would be viewed as a step backwards in their eyes. After all she has spent all this time dating her man trying to become his only woman. Now you want her to go back to the dating pool and be equal with all the other women available. I doubt that would fall on receptive ears, why would she agree to be relegated to a lower status after attaining exclusivity?

It’s the inverse of the old marketing philosophy; you can start at a higher price for your product and lower the price, but very rarely can you start at a lower price, raise prices. Once the public has gotten used to a certain price, they won’t be too receptive to a raise in prices. Same is true of a exclusive relationship from a woman’s point of view; once she has been exclusive she wont be too receptive of being cast back with all the other women in the dating pool.

Second, once you propose this to your woman most likely she’ll want to end the relationship with you out of frustration thinking you’re not worth the effort, or guilt you into rethinking your position. If you agree to drop the whole thing then you have already played your hand and she knows you’re thinking about dating other women and she’ll be scrutinizing your actions far more closely adding extra strain on your relationship as well as your ability to date other women on the low.

Third, honestly how many women can this actually work with? I mean come on, 95% of the women won’t go for this scenario. I haven’t come across too many women who thought this was a viable scenario, and I have run it by quite a few of women in committed relationships. The women who suggest this are always unattached when they have no feelings for any guy so it’s an easy fix. But I’d like to get some opinion from these same women once they have a boyfriend for a couple of months and see what they say.

Fourth, if you’re woman does agree to it, are you comfortable enough with her dating other guys? Because you can be sure that after you just downgraded her, and she knows you’re going to be dating other women, that she’ll be going out on dates as well, maybe just to spite you.

In the next blog, I’ll address the second question/suggestion from readers:

Don’t cheat on your girlfriend, just do the honorable thing and break up with her and be single if you want to date multiple women.


Take Care,
A.C.

Digg!
Add to del.icio.us

Friday, November 16, 2007

Getting Caught Cheating on Your Girlfriend by Your Friends


So what’s the big deal with getting caught by your friends? This is often overlooked and its significance underappreciated, but its effect can be far reaching.

Caught by Your FriendsWhen you get caught by your friend you’re assuming that this person is your friend; you have nothing to worry about right? Wrong. You need to asses very quickly what type of friend this person is. A close trustworthy friend that you know can keep a secret, even from his significant other, or will he/she quickly blab their new found information to their mate? If it’s the latter, you have to reason impress upon them not to share their newfound information with their significant other. However, you’ll have to assume that this knowledge is too juicy for them to keep bottled up permanently, and sooner or later their mate will know about your indiscretion. Thus you have to ensure that you don’t bring your girlfriend to any social occasion where your friend will bring his/her significant other, at least until you switch girlfriends, or your friend switches significant others.

Another aspect of friendship that you have to keep an eye is whether if any of your friends have a soft spot for your girlfriend, whether it be a friendship or aspirations for something romantic. If you think this friend of yours wants to get with your girlfriend, he might use this information to try and break up your relationship. If you feel this is the case, then you have to keep your girlfriend away when you interact with your friend. Make sure that your buddy doesn’t have a way to get in touch with your girlfriend (i.e. her employment information, email, cell phone, etc.). Make sure that you never mass email your girlfriend and friends since he could pluck her email from the list. If you do make sure to hide everyone’s email from all the recipients (a best practices tip).

A final derivative of your friend catching you cheating scenario is something of an anecdote, but should be taken as a cautionary tale…

A few years back I started hanging out with this guy who I met through a friend. He seemed cool and we had some good times going to bars/clubs pickin up on chicks together (full disclosure; I had a girlfriend at the time which he knew about). At the same time he was intimately involved with his best friend (who was female) while she was dating one of his close friends. A few times we went out together where we both brought our women along, and they struck up an artificial friendship. His “girl” and my girl exchanged numbers and emails, much to my chagrin. We hung out together a few times but not on a regular basis.

In the interest of expediency I will fast forward the story a few months. Apparently, unknown to me, I had done something to hurt this guy’s feelings (should have known since he acted like a little pussy at times) so we had stopped hangin out as much. I didn’t notice since I was busy with other things, I just thought so was he. Not the case, he was pissed and it was building from day to day, especially that I didn’t call him and acknowledge it. Somewhere along the way my girlfriend called his “best friend” to get his number to set up a group function. Once she called him, he made sure to tell her about the times he and I had gone out (that my girl didn’t know about) and even made up some stories about me having another girl on the side (I did, but he never knew about that, exactly the reason why I don’t tell my friends about my infidelities.). Nevertheless, my girl came to me upset crying and angry demanding an explanation. Since he had no specifics about any of my “supposed” other women his story was easy to dispute and dismiss. But the he did rat me out about lying to her about the bars and clubs. That cost me a couple of days of tantrums from my girlfriend, but eventually it all resolved itself.

However, your lesson from that story is to pick your friends carefully, and if any of them ever have any incriminating story that could cost you your relationship with your girlfriend, make sure their interaction is limited and well supervised. Don’t ever let your girl become friends with one of your friends or their significant other because you’ll never know when it will come back to haunt you.

Most people are your friend only as long as it is convenient for them (with rare exceptions), when they turn on you everything you trusted them with will become a weapon, if they chose to use it. Be careful how well you arm them.

Hope you have found this series about how to handle getting caught cheating on your girlfriend useful. I will have one final note on this topic in my next blog.

Take Care,
A.C.

Digg!
Add to del.icio.us

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Tell Your Mistress “Thanks for the Memories” this Thanksgiving

With the holiday season fast approaching it’s time to start eliminating the complications in your life. By complications I mean the rotation of women you have collected the last few months.

As you know, the holiday season is a busy time of year for everyone regardless. But it’s an especially frustrating and busy time for cheating on your girlfriend. As a cheater you now have to worry about duplicates for everything; buying multiple Christmas presents, disposing of multiple gift receipts, keeping track of what you bought for whom, going to multiple holiday parties, trying to avoid all the holiday photos that might get you caught, etc.

Not to mention the upcoming New Year’s Eve conundrum of which woman you will spend it with, you obviously cannot be with more than one woman, so a choice has to be made. One of them will be disappointed greatly and be very upset with you. At times like this I suggest you pick your girlfriend, the other woman can always be replaced.

This is why I’m calling your attention to this early. To give yourself a relaxing (as relaxing as any holiday season can be) enjoyable holiday season, you should start planning on how you’re going to cut you secondary women loose. You can wait until after Thanksgiving, but don’t let it drift too far into December since then you might feel obligated to keep them around for Christmas which eventually leads into New Years and you’re right where I warned you not to be in the first few paragraphs of this blog.

Set a date a few days after Thanksgiving and stick to that plan. Then spend the holiday season with your girlfriend, and start the whole rotation with brand new women for the New Year.

Take Care,
A.C.

Digg!
Add to del.icio.us

Friday, November 9, 2007

Getting Caught Cheating by Your Family

Another likelihood is that you might inadvertently get caught cheating by someone in your own family. Whether this person is part of your immediate family or more of a distant relative will determine how you approach this situation. In either case you have quite a bit of room and leverage here.

Caught by Your Family
Since this person in most cases is loyal to only you and probably views your girlfriend as someone passing through in your life, thus they don’t feel the need to form an attachment to her.

First, make sure you keep her away from this relative and don't attend functions when you know this family member will be present. You don’t want your Aunt to get to chatty with your girlfriend a few months down the road at a holiday party and let slip that she saw the two of you together at a restaurant, but it wasn’t really the you and your girlfriend, it was you and one of your other women. After a few drinks your Aunt probably won’t be able to remember who she saw you with, just that it was a female and most likely it was your girlfriend. However your girlfriend will have no such disillusions with her memory, then you’ll have some explaining to do.

Second, talk to this relative and ask him/her to keep quiet about the matter since you are family, and that you will handle it personally. Once this discussion has been had the relative will know to keep this topic discreet, and even if they gab about it, it should only stay within the family circles.

I will continue the If You Get Caught Cheating On Your Girlfriend series with a scenario that is often overlooked and underestimated; getting caught cheating by one of YOUR friends.

Stay Tuned.

Take Care,
A.C.

Digg!
Add to del.icio.us

Friday, November 2, 2007

Getting Caught Cheating by Your Mistres

The woman you were hiding from your girlfriend is the one that found out about your “other woman.” You got caught by the wrong woman, which is just right for you. She doesn’t know it but this puts you in the drivers seat, and does most of the work for you.

Caught by Your Mistress
If you get caught by one of your secondary women you really haven't lost all that much. In fact they might have actually done you a favor since it gives them a reason to leave you. Since you were going to get rid of them eventually anyway, there is no real harm done.

But there are some important things to keep in mind just so it doesn't get ugly. Try to pretend that you're genuinely remorseful about what happened and admit that you did a horrible thing.

Make it look like you cared about her and that she was more important to you than she actually was. Don’t act indifferent or nonchalant. This is important because it will make her feel like she mattered to you, it will keep her in a more somber state of mind rather than angry and vengeful. You don’t want to treat her as if she never mattered (irregardless of the truth) since it will create the second set of emotions I just described, and it will induce her to try to get revenge. That becomes a very dangerous proposition; especially you are trying to keep this from your main girlfriend.

Also, never tell any secondary woman that the girl they found out about is your #1 girl. This might prompt your mistress on seek out your girlfriend and ruin that relationship to settle the score. Try to end your relationship with your mistress amicably. Let her yell at you, let her vent, and make sure you apologize profusely as if she was your #1 girl. In the end most likely she'll say she doesn’t want to ever see you again, which is what you want. You should tell her that you will miss her, and let her walk out the door feeling empowered that she left a no good cheater like you behind… just like you wanted.

In the end no harm will really come of this, if you play your cards right.

I will continue the If You Get Caught Cheating On Your Girlfriend series, sometimes getting caught can work to your advantage as long as you’re slick enough to exploit the situation.

Stay Tuned.

Take Care,

A.C.

Digg!
Add to del.icio.us